Just finished drinking the last sip of milk before bedtime.

I turned 10 months yesterday in the company I'm working at. 10 freaking bipolar months full of uncontrollable laughter and sarcasm with my closest friends amidst toxic days. I met overlapping deadlines and priority tasks. I got regularized and a salary increase. I think my writing skills were even enhanced for the past few months. Things are going pretty too well.. isn't it?

If you ask me, ironically, I still don't know if I wanted to be a writer. Ha!

Yep, that's just how indecisive slash happy-go-lucky slash go-with-the-flow-come-what-may type of person I have always been. I couldn't see myself in any profession at this time or in the long run, which I have to figure out sooner before everyone else catches the train and leaves me on the same platform.

How I wish a walkthrough, a spoiler, a hint, or a skip button were available somewhere just to go through a chapter of our lives.

It also sucks to see that some of your fellow batchmates and friends are already 50 feet ahead of you. One establishes a milkshake business with his own money, one waits for the confirmation of her big break abroad, one passes a certification exam, one gets promoted into a team leader, one starts planning her marriage and I can name more.

Still, you are here sitting in front of your computer, blogging instead of going to sleep.Waiting and wondering for the perfect moment to start living life.

A close colleague, whom I confided to a few days ago of this quarter-ish life crisis, told me to accept new challenges and kind of pushed me to try this particular field. It requires one thing though: Confidence. A trait I was unfortunate enough not to be blessed with. Even my supervisor wishes for me to be more aggressive and assertive. Funny that I begin to notice how they drop the topic quite often, like it was intentional. As if they wanted me to realize it will be a good experience to jumpstart a successful career in PM.

It seems they are seeing a clear potential but I keep on fogging up the glass because, well.. I lack confidence and I'm pessimistic. I feed my insecurities more than my faith. I hope it was as easy as pie to define your default character settings and be 100% positive. Life doesn't work that way. Only a girl can dream it was.

Take a few detours and make mistakes - that's what I'm supposed to do and I'm aware of it. But I fear failure so much that it's easier for me not to do or risk anything than get hurt and embarrass myself...

... leaving me on the same platform.. again.